The Shameless Self-Promotion Thread
Oct 22, 2008 15:21:10 GMT -5
Post by steven on Oct 22, 2008 15:21:10 GMT -5
Jave, is there a reason why you decided NOT to have new paragraphs when someone talks? That would be conventionally correct, plus it makes text so much easier to read. Just a suggestion.
Hazu, I finally saw that site you work for. Definitely reminds me heavily of Retro Junk, but with less of a kiddy feel (as anyone is free to contribute to RJ just by getting an account).
EDIT: Back @ Jave, this is difficult to read because you kept it in one paragraph. When someone new talks, there should be a break in the text with a new paragraph. I'm curious why you chose this style instead? It makes it very difficult to follow along. But I admire your will and passion to create this story.
He picked up the phone again and called the office. "Oracle data processing, how may I direct your call?" "Extension 19 please." "One moment please." Brief silence. "Hello?" "Mark? It's Robert." Mark was technically in charge of both data-entry, and fail-safe, though both departments maintained, separate supervisors, independent of one another. Robert knew better than to ever call his own supervisor for any reason. "I'm sorry?" Mark asked, "Robert Kim, from fail-safe." Another brief silence. "Oh Rob. Right. You're, uh, you're not here yet?" "Well, that's kind of why I'm calling." "Is everything alright?" Robert was a terrible liar. "Yeah, everthing's, I mean, no I suppose it's actually not going very good right now. There, well, there was an incident, my shoulder got cut up pretty bad." "Really? Sounds rough, you going to see someone about it?" "Yes, as soon as I get a chance, but I don't think I'm going to be able to make it in today, and I'm not sure about..." "Robert," Mark's voice sounded both sympathetic and just a bit irritated, "You've been with us for years and your attendance is nearly perfect. Take as much time as you need to recover and don't worry about it." "Yes, well, I'm pretty sure it's..." "No!" said Mark, "You've got to take a break. Lord knows you've earned it." "Yes, well, you've got my email address, right?" Mark sighed. "Yes Rob, we have your email, if there's an emergency, we'll be sure to send it to you, but please, take it easy buddy, okay? Okay. Bye now." He hung up the phone before Robert could get in another word. Premature, perhaps, but he couldn't help but imagine that this was officially the beginning of the end of his career, as his mind raced on hundreds of different scenarios that could play themselves out at any minute, and inevitably lead to the office realizing that he's a redundant member of the team, or that his whole department is redundant for that matter. "Just as well," they'll say amongst each other, "he never even talked to any of us." All he could do from home was hope that a crisis came up, something big enough that they'd email him for help out of sheer desperation. He turned on his computer, checked his inbox, and then left it running while he went into the kitchen to make some mint tea, and hopefully clear his head
Hazu, I finally saw that site you work for. Definitely reminds me heavily of Retro Junk, but with less of a kiddy feel (as anyone is free to contribute to RJ just by getting an account).
EDIT: Back @ Jave, this is difficult to read because you kept it in one paragraph. When someone new talks, there should be a break in the text with a new paragraph. I'm curious why you chose this style instead? It makes it very difficult to follow along. But I admire your will and passion to create this story.
He picked up the phone again and called the office. "Oracle data processing, how may I direct your call?" "Extension 19 please." "One moment please." Brief silence. "Hello?" "Mark? It's Robert." Mark was technically in charge of both data-entry, and fail-safe, though both departments maintained, separate supervisors, independent of one another. Robert knew better than to ever call his own supervisor for any reason. "I'm sorry?" Mark asked, "Robert Kim, from fail-safe." Another brief silence. "Oh Rob. Right. You're, uh, you're not here yet?" "Well, that's kind of why I'm calling." "Is everything alright?" Robert was a terrible liar. "Yeah, everthing's, I mean, no I suppose it's actually not going very good right now. There, well, there was an incident, my shoulder got cut up pretty bad." "Really? Sounds rough, you going to see someone about it?" "Yes, as soon as I get a chance, but I don't think I'm going to be able to make it in today, and I'm not sure about..." "Robert," Mark's voice sounded both sympathetic and just a bit irritated, "You've been with us for years and your attendance is nearly perfect. Take as much time as you need to recover and don't worry about it." "Yes, well, I'm pretty sure it's..." "No!" said Mark, "You've got to take a break. Lord knows you've earned it." "Yes, well, you've got my email address, right?" Mark sighed. "Yes Rob, we have your email, if there's an emergency, we'll be sure to send it to you, but please, take it easy buddy, okay? Okay. Bye now." He hung up the phone before Robert could get in another word. Premature, perhaps, but he couldn't help but imagine that this was officially the beginning of the end of his career, as his mind raced on hundreds of different scenarios that could play themselves out at any minute, and inevitably lead to the office realizing that he's a redundant member of the team, or that his whole department is redundant for that matter. "Just as well," they'll say amongst each other, "he never even talked to any of us." All he could do from home was hope that a crisis came up, something big enough that they'd email him for help out of sheer desperation. He turned on his computer, checked his inbox, and then left it running while he went into the kitchen to make some mint tea, and hopefully clear his head