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Post by Scylla on May 31, 2013 14:29:13 GMT -5
I don't know how things are these days, but I used to feel as if I was the only female gamer on this board who ISN'T gay, bi, or whatever. It probably seems like whining, given the much bigger problems that gay people face, but sometimes it's a pain dealing with the stereotype (and in turn, the assumptions that result) that all female gamers (diehard ones, that is, not casual gamers) are lesbians (or tomboys, at the very least). I'll never understand why liking video games a lot would have any correlation with sexuality or how feminine/masculine someone is, but I do have to admit that I've observed an unusually high percentage of lesbians among female gamers. Maybe lesbian gamers figure that they already can't help living their lives in a way different from what some people expected/wanted of them so they may as well say to hell with everything and just live how they please in all regards, while straight women may be pressured by friends and family to stick with traditional gender roles and, for whatever dumb reason, video games are often considered a guy thing.
Well, just throwing some random thoughts out there. Sorry if I'm straying too far from the subject or offending anybody.
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Post by Feynman on May 31, 2013 15:14:44 GMT -5
As far as I'm concerned, what two consenting adults choose to do is up to them, and nobody has the right to judge or look down on them for that. It's extremely depressing that there are such a large amount of people who still want to dehumanize and ostracize others simply because they are gay, bisexual, or transsexual.
So, more power to susan and bobinator. Society makes that a difficult thing to be open about, but it's also something that nobody should be ashamed of, or feel like they have to hide.
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Post by dooz on May 31, 2013 16:59:15 GMT -5
We're all human beings. Judge the person's character, not their sexual orientation/race/economic status/ect.
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Post by TangoBunny on May 31, 2013 17:52:44 GMT -5
(...) I'll never understand why liking video games a lot would have any correlation with sexuality or how feminine/masculine someone is, but I do have to admit that I've observed an unusually high percentage of lesbians among female gamers. Maybe lesbian gamers figure that they already can't help living their lives in a way different from what some people expected/wanted of them so they may as well say to hell with everything and just live how they please in all regards, while straight women may be pressured by friends and family to stick with traditional gender roles and, for whatever dumb reason, video games are often considered a guy thing. Well, just throwing some random thoughts out there. Sorry if I'm straying too far from the subject or offending anybody. I've noticed that most gaming culture ladies are bi/lesbian too, and honestly I can't say why. Being bi myself, while I certainly can't speak for everyone, I can safely say that for me it has nothing to with peoples expectations or living differently though! I mean, I have a genuine and natural attraction to both sexes and it almost seems strange to me not to be attracted because, well, it's a natural thing for me. I don't actively choose it, I'm just attracted to the female body and feminine traits just as much as the male body and masculine traits. I have noticed that I tend to find men attractive in a different way to most straight women, and women attractive in a different way to most straight men, and honestly can't tell if being bi instead of straight/gay makes me attracted to men and women in a very different way, or if I just have different tastes. It's something I've been wondering about a lot lately! |
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Post by muteKi on May 31, 2013 18:54:03 GMT -5
Are you saying you don't care if someone's gay or not? Hard to see how that could be offensive. Really, the inverse would be more worthy of spite. I just had this discussion with someone the other day, and his position was basically the "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem" cliché. That in his opinion, it's "not enough" to not care what someone's sexuality is. He feels like if you're not actively advocating, then you're implicitly enabling the other side. I can't fall in line with that. Argh, why do you keep hanging out with people like this? |
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Post by Allie on May 31, 2013 21:00:47 GMT -5
I just had this discussion with someone the other day, and his position was basically the "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem" cliché. That in his opinion, it's "not enough" to not care what someone's sexuality is. He feels like if you're not actively advocating, then you're implicitly enabling the other side. I can't fall in line with that. Argh, why do you keep hanging out with people like this? It just seems to be the sort of people who tend to put up with me are obnoxious like that. As for sexuality in general, mine is... ...complicated (not in the way that that word makes it sound like, though). |
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tengutenga
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Post by tengutenga on May 31, 2013 22:08:01 GMT -5
Warning: Lengthy feminist discussion ahead (not!)
Here's a little part of my history I talk about more on internet than with my IRL friends and family. When I was in school, I was one of those girls who hung out with a gang made of straight boys (co-ed). To the common population, I would be called a "tomboy". Throughout that time, I had crushes on girls. I won't even try to deny that I had sexual fantasies of being with girls. Back then, I would have been identified as "lesbian", and I did so, but nobody really knew because I told no one.
In uni/college my main social hangouts were this handful of (like, three) straight females, and church. I began to "straighten out" hanging out with this girl gang and the many sissies in church, and the focus of my sexual desire shifted towards that of men. I still do have the occasional fantasy with another female, just sometimes, but most of the time it's about guys.
That's how I come to believe that sexuality has to be "learned". You learn how to behave from the people around you, sexual behavior included.
I am guessing that if you grew up in a community that does an excellent job at hiding sexuality, you will have to "invent" your sexuality instead of copying it from others. You may have invented your sexuality long before someone comes along and tells you it's all wrong and tries to basket it into that huge brightly colored bin with a big sign bearing the letters "GAY".
I would even say that the common 1-bit GAY/STRAIGHT classification of sexual orientation (or the 4-bit TRANS/GAY/STRAIGHT/BI) is stupid and broken. It would have been sufficient if humans are sexually attracted by knowledge of gender alone, but that not the case. Sexual orientation is not just about attraction towards a particular gender (which already hard enough to define). Sexual orientation is all sexual attraction towards specific aesthetics of looks and behavior. Great job pointing that out if you thought of the word "fetishes", because they are the same thing.
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Post by justjustin on May 31, 2013 22:27:27 GMT -5
Good points. Language imprisons us in many ways. One's feelings can follow the words instead of the other way around.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2013 22:59:22 GMT -5
You raise a good point about sexuality being fluid. It makes me think of the stories in the news where children are molested by a same-sex adult, then grow up as homosexuals themselves. Would they have been homosexual if they hadn't been sexually abused? The human mind is such a malleable thing. It makes me think of other sexual leanings, like furries. People aren't really born as furries like some straight or gay people. It's something that starts at a certain point in a person's life. Had they not run across whatever triggered it, and at that specific point in their life, would they still have gone on to be furries? Speaking of non-traditional lifestyles, I found this story pretty interesting. Doesn't matter who's earning the money or who's staying at home, or if you have two parents or one or gay parents or whatever. All that matters is that the person or people raising are doing a good job. |
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Post by Allie on May 31, 2013 23:03:50 GMT -5
There's no doubt that people can be conditioned. Everyone is different, though.
I think too many people make the mistake of thinking that it's sort of a monolithic thing, due to socio-political considerations.
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Post by Snarboo on May 31, 2013 23:09:55 GMT -5
I would even say that the common 1-bit GAY/STRAIGHT classification of sexual orientation (or the 4-bit TRANS/GAY/STRAIGHT/BI) is stupid and broken. That's why things like the Kinsey scale exist. I believe some LGBT groups have expanded to include people who identify as "queer" or don't fit into any of the other categories for this reason, too. |
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Post by Allie on May 31, 2013 23:39:54 GMT -5
I would even say that the common 1-bit GAY/STRAIGHT classification of sexual orientation (or the 4-bit TRANS/GAY/STRAIGHT/BI) is stupid and broken. That's why things like the Kinsey scale exist. I believe some LGBT groups have expanded to include people who identify as "queer" or don't fit into any of the other categories for this reason, too. "QIA". Questioning, Inter, Allied. I think it's a little much, myself. But most people are always going to look for a group to identify with. |
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Post by X-pert74 on Jun 1, 2013 2:23:16 GMT -5
I'm a transgender woman. I first started to seriously question my gender identity when I was about 14, but I didn't know where to begin back then. When I was 15 I began to identify as a crossdressing male, which is how I thought of myself for awhile. I did consider transitioning when I was about 15 or 16, but was sort of shamed/scared into not doing it, in part thanks to one forum in particular (which I won't name here), where after I came out to them, the majority of them greatly disapproved of my feeling that way. I remember worrying that I could never pass as female, which was depressing for me to think about. I never stopped completely or anything, but I did go through a period where I cut my hair shorter again (after having it long through most of high school), and somewhat resigned myself to trying to make it through life as a man. I can't keep living like that though; I've come to the conclusion that it's not who I am, and I don't really think of myself as male at all anymore. Currently, most people IRL still think of me as male, but I'm hoping to come out at some point. When I'll do that, will depend on how daring I feel at the moment I go forward with it  In the meantime, I've been growing my hair longer again, and I now dress and behave in a much more feminine manner, which I feel more comfortable doing. I'm still mostly wearing mens' t-shirts and jeans, but I hope to change that up as well At this point the main thing I'm really worried about is that I'm trying to be an actor. I've already been in a few college plays, but if I suddenly come out as female I'm worried what that might mean for the future of my acting career. I don't want to be pigeonholed into a very specific type of role because of that, so with regard to that I'm not really sure where I want to proceed at this point. When I just think about my day to day life though, I'm certain I don't want to keep living as a guy. |
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Post by Bobinator on Jun 1, 2013 6:15:12 GMT -5
I'm a transgender woman. I first started to seriously question my gender identity when I was about 14, but I didn't know where to begin back then. When I was 15 I began to identify as a crossdressing male, which is how I thought of myself for awhile. I dIan'mconsider transitioning when I was about 15 or 16, but was sort of shamed/scared into not doing it, in part thanks to one forum in particular (which I won't name here), where after I came out to them, the majority of them greatly disapproved of my feeling that way. Ugh. That s horrible to hear, and I hope you've moved on from people who treat you like that. You think that most video game nerds would be smart enough to NOT be a bunch of intolerant dicks, but I guess the internet still has a long way to go. Still, though, I would say you should go with it. Your happiness matters most. Also, isnt the Kinsey scale generally considered outdated? I dunno, I just think sexuality is way too fluid to be something that anybody can really graph person to person. |
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Post by Colonel Kurtz on Jun 1, 2013 6:24:44 GMT -5
I was completely wrong to think that no-one would share. Maybe it's because my generation remains ambivalent towards such issues; but thousands of kudos to those who come forward. I am pretty proud to see that younger generations are so much more educated towards such issues... Well, anyway, I'm pretty proud to post in the same forum as X-Pert, because I believe an immense amount of resilience and strength of character comes through in your post.
As for the pigeon-holing as an actor, well I'm scared Hollywood does nothing but pigeonholing. Still, rules are made to be broken! I wish you the best in your acting career, X-Pert.
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In the meantime, I've been growing my hair longer again, and I now dress and behave in a much more feminine manner, which I feel more comfortable doing. I'm still mostly wearing mens' t-shirts and jeans, but I hope to change that up as well 
