I never did get around to reading those epilogues, but fortunately there's a SparkNotes edition now. Excerpt:
There he finds a transportalizer that leads him to a chamber with a Hero of Hope outfit and a holographic projection of Barack Obama, who addresses him directly. Dave talks to his hero about his sexuality. Obama comforts him, before convincing him to ascend to his ultimate self and enter the robot body Dirk had apparently prepared for him some time before.
The dead cherub, still inhabiting teen Jade's body, explains to Aradia that their reality, being composed of stories, is open to manipulation by any agent powerful enough to assume the role of narrator. Such manipulation may only become apparent in hindsight, casting into doubt the neutrality of all events prior, and hence undermining the very integrity of the story in which they live. This is, she reveals, what Dirk has been up to outside the event horizon.
I am saddened and angered by the apparent fact that there is apparently an audience for this dreck, and a sizable one at that!? How can this be? I kind of feel bad for Mr. Hussie, who has probably seen more success than the vast majority of other artists out there but who will likely be shackled to this beast to some extent for the rest of his life.
The reason for the sudden interest is that there is now apparently an official Homestuck 2, which I will not be reading, oh no.
This signature is an illusion and is a trap devised by Satan. Go ahead dauntlessly! Make rapid progres!