Shit that pisses you off, part II

[camanchi]

Yeah, I'll agree there too. It just confuses me that it seems the ones that commit suicide are the ones with a bajillion friends who are members of a strong community. It always seems to be the ones that appear most normal on the outside, so I get surprised when the warning sign slip past everyone.

[Brand]

All I got to say Quantity ≠ Quality.

[ryochan]

I also suffer from depression, so let me point out that, when you've fallen far enough into it that suicide seems like a viable option, the general thoughts on your friends, even if they are extremely good friends is "They don't really care. They just put up with me. If I were to call them right now, they'd say they were busy. If I told them I was depressed, they'd just tell me to get over it." And other such thoughts.

You at first just feel a little down, then you start thinking about the bad things in life, and the ones you can't fix, then you think about how you could really fix them (even if you can't) if you were just a bit more whatever, then you think about how no one really cares, and about this time you start thinking you just want to sleep, but sleep is only temporary. But death isn't. Death is eternal sleep. So you start thinking 'Maybe it will be better if I'm gone. Then I won't bother anyone. No one cares anyway, so no one will be sad' and so on. It's a very vicious thought process.

One has to really reign themselves in, and fight hard, or else they will end their lives.

But it isn't too surprising you don't feel a whole lot for the death of that person. It doesn't sound like you were especially close, so it's hard to feel really bad. The big thing is, do you feel bad for the family and friends? A little sad at the thought someone would do that? That's what tells you if you're human.

[Deleted]

I think it's often the most sensitive people who end up being the most jaded. I used to cry at the drop of a hat, until one day I just got sick of being made fun of. Then I became "the angry guy", and it's worked out much better for me.

I'd say it's fair to think that many people spend a large part of their day actively avoiding the investment of emotion. It's easier to just not care about a boy in a well or the victims of a tsunami or the people found dead on the news. Speaking as someone who thinks that way, I really can't imagine how someone could go through life caring about every last person they come across. It would just be too draining.

That isn't to say that a negative life is more enjoyable. It has its downsides. I can understand why someone wouldn't care about random people, though.

[Smithee of Zur-En-Arrh]

Holy shit, I've also got depression. It seems like everybody here has some sort of mental shit going on, in one way or another.

Maybe that's part of the gaming thing, like you end up staying in and investing in crazy worlds and styling things you'll never be. And oh, I won't work towards life, I'll work towards a game goal.

It's stupid shit, but I do it all the time.

[Deleted]

Sometimes I ruminate on what my life would be like if I were "normal". Going out to bars, getting drunk, getting into fights. A dead-end marriage with kids I resent and a job I hate.

Compared to that, games seem not so bad, da?

[Atma]

I've suffered from depression and suicidal thoughts on and off (the most recent being Saturday) and yeah, when you're in that mindset, you do feel unworthy and damaged and like a product that should just be voluntarily recalled. You do believe, as ryochan said, that everyone dearest to you is a liar, which to me is the greatest injustice of all. They don't deserve such accusations flung at them, even if you never say it to their faces (and I have), you feel awful for ever doubting them.

However, they do put up with it, they are godsends for doing so, and I accept their offer to drive to my house and beat the crap out of me if I ever do actually attempt to off myself. They'd be doing us all a favor.

However, I'm not clinically diagnosed with anything like depression, but I have been on Paxil since before I hit puberty, because my mom, in all her wonder idiocy, put me on it when a doctor said I displayed mild OCD symptoms. Yes, I'm on one of the worst anti-depressants in history because I alphabetized stuff. Wish I was kidding. It's made me rageful and suicidal growing up and still does, but only very rarely. I'm slowly going off it, but SSRI Discontinuation Syndrome prevents me from just being able to stop cold turkey. I have a feeling once I'm completely off it, that my outbursts will completely stop, or be so rare that it doesn't matter anymore.

Don't do Paxil, kids.

Weird to hear from someone who is normally so loud and sure of herself, huh?

[Smithee of Zur-En-Arrh]

Wow. That puts a lot of depth to the Atma...

[Jave]

Apr 21, 2010 16:02:43 GMT -5 Smithee of Zur-En-Arrh said:

Holy shit, I've also got depression. It seems like everybody here has some sort of mental shit going on, in one way or another.

That's the thing. The human brain is an organ, it's an impressively complex organ, and a testament to evolution that it works as well as it does, but it's also very far from perfect.

I get a little annoyed, actually, when people think that healthy = complete absence of any problem. It's completely unrealistic.

As for myself (since we're sharing) I've certainly been depressed at times, but not clinically. Also, as I mentioned before, I have some obsessive compulsive behaviour, mild Tourette's syndrome, and social anxiety. For a few years, I was on Manerix (fun manerix fact, it was never FDA approved, but apparently it's still good enough for Canadians) for a few years as a kid, and some other unpronounceable thing for insomnia. As far as I could tell, they didn't really help, but it might just have been a few particularly unhappy years, and yeah, going off that shit can make you crazy.

Personally, I found zazen helped more than anything else, but I'm not entirely comfortable suggesting that anyone use it as an alternative to pharmaceutical medicine, but it won't hurt to try it on the side.

Wow, this has been kind of a deep, meaningful discussion.

...

...

You know what I hate? Nickelback! Fuck that shit! It's like listening to a lawn mower running over a barking dog. The hell do they get away with calling that shit rock and roll?

[Smithee of Zur-En-Arrh]

I take concerta, respridol, and melotonin.

And I'm always taking tylenol for my chronic migraines, and some stomach shit since I have shown early signs of acid reflux.

[Mr. Faptastic]

I've got ADD and its hyperactive cousin ADHD... Wesleeey.

[ryochan]

Hey, I LIKE Nickelback! But oh well, to each his/her own on music.

What pisses me off, related to this conversation, is when you tell people you have depression/ADD/whatever, and they start treating you differently, whether it be rudely or like you'll break. The latter is easier to handle, because often they'll listen, but the former... Oh gawd.

I've been told too many times that I'd be fine without medication if I just did X thing, and it's like "No, I wouldn't. I have a hormone imbalance that causes this shit." I especially love when people INSIST everything can be cured without drugs... then talk about how they smoke Weed, or use some herb or another... News Flash! Those are DRUGS!

I also hate how I've become addicted to Facebook games... AGH!

[camanchi]

I used to be one of those people that deeply cared for pretty much anyone I met. It was incredibly draining and made me slightly bitter after a while because other people never cared as much as I did.

Also, risperidol is terrible stuff from what I know. My mom takes more medication than all of you put together. lol

[Smithee of Zur-En-Arrh]

It's like an anti-psychotic right? I know schizophrenics take it... but I take it to cool my OCD, it seems to work okay.

I care a lot about a lot of people, what's worse is that someone I had cared the most for ended up giving up on my because my own mistakes. Heh, teenage relationships are retarded, but y'know, I had the opportunity to take it one step further with her, but I guess I didn't think I was good enough.

Never making that mistake again, and I'm glad I'm over that.

[camanchi]

Yup, anti-psychotic. People with bipolar take it too. People with autism, etc. It's just, it does bad things to people, that I've always known. Alwful side effects, increased risk of major health concerns later down the road. I've always been a little obsessive compulsive about some things and never understood why it was something people needed to take medication for. For me, it was helpful. It made me pay attention to small details and more accurate.

Sorry if I'm being nosey, but is yours very severe? Does it interfere with your daily life? I'd just hate to see someone taking a strong, "bad" medication if they didn't need it or there was a better alternative drug.