Dealing with Negativity and Finding Inspiration
Mar 17, 2007 4:58:48 GMT -5
Post by jameseightbitstar on Mar 17, 2007 4:58:48 GMT -5
This is something I just wrote. I think I'll add it to my website sometime after I reorganize it a bit.
=====================================
First off, I know most of you are seeing the terms "Negativity" and "Inspiration" and thinking this is going to be some new-age spiritualist mumbo jumbo. It isn't. Both terms have nothing to do with any quasi-mystical beliefs and everything to do with moods and feelings, things we have to deal with every day. "Inspiration" is nothing more than that good feeling that makes you want to get out and do something, whether its write a book or play cards, and "Negativity" is basically anything that dampens your mood and worldview. Negativity is what makes you want to sit around doing nothing all day, the force that makes you think "You know, I just don't feel like it," makes you lethargic. It's a bad thing.
There's a lot of negativity going around, and there's all sorts of articles on the internet about where it comes from. So I'm gonna tell you what to do about it. I'm no doctor, no scientist, no therapist, but I've been in Negative-Land and worked my way back, so I hope I'm just as helpful.
1. Do things you don't like to do.
Now that may sound contradictory, but the fact is, most of the stuff you think you don't like is actually something you would like, except that you're feeling so negative right now that nothing looks good to you. A lot of people have convinced themselves that they have this "theme" or "mindset" that they need to religiously adhere to, and that's one thing that needs to go if you really want to feel good.
I mean, sometimes you just have to let go if you wanna feel good. Get rid of any restrictions you placed on yourself. Saw an advertisement for a new show you don't think you're gonna like? Watch it anyway. Friend recommending you a good horror story but you don't believe in ghosts? Who cares, read it anyway. Your entire family going out to dine at a Mexican restaurant and you're invited, but you don't like Mexican food? Go with them anyway. If you're a girl and you normally watch "chic flicks," then do a 180 and watch a guy flick every once in awhile (and likewise, if you're a guy watch a girls' movie every once in awhile). In fact, always be open to things that blatantly conflicts whatever self-image you've built up.
Now, I'm not saying you're going to suddenly start liking things that usually aren't your style--you probably won't--but the experience at least will be something different, and sometimes we need to just take down our mental and emotional shields and just live life. Often different experiences are good for us, because they shoot a hole in said shields and give us a different view of life that may not entirely be kosher with whatever world-image we've built up. They make us think and feel and in that small way, revive us.
2. Be decisive!
One of the favorite habits of the negativity-prone is pure indecisiveness. You know, "should I watch this movie or this movie?" Or "should I go to this store or that store?" If you're anything like I was, you debate yourself in circles until ultimately you end up doing nothing but sitting around the house, sulking.
Don't do that. Make up your freaking mind already. If it's really that hard, then rule of thumb is: Go with your first choice every time. And stick with it--do not allow yourself to change your mind. Don't go around in mental circles.
And don't just say "I'm going to do something," the minute you've decided, you've got to start freaking doing it--if you sit around and wait, you're just gonna start going in circles again, and that doesn't help anybody.
And another thing: Don't put your decisions off on other people. Okay, so every once in awhile you want someone else's opinion or a shoulder to lean on, but no one can make your mind up for you (also, becoming too dependent on other people can cause depression, so you want to maintain some measure of independence). What's funny is, most of the people I see who "want someone else's opinion" have actually already made up their mind, and they just want someone to argue with so they can convince themselves beyond a shadow of a doubt that they really are making the "right" decision. That's called insecurity, and the best way to handle it is to just get over it.
3. Cut down on sources of negativity
Now, there's a lot of things that are sources of negativity, but I find the worst and most common ones are:
Negative People. You know, the ranters, the whiners, the people who always go to their livejournals and talk about the latest ways life has made them its victim, the women who complain about being obese even though they're really not, the guys who think the government is out to get them, whatever. I deal with these people either by ignoring them, finding a way to tune them out (though this doesn't help that much), or sometimes by talking back and pointing out how phony and pretentious they are. Sometimes this makes them mad (then again, these aren't the kind of people I want as friends anyway) and other times it makes them wise up. On the internet, you really want to avoid blogs and certain forums as these are basically congregations of these kinds of people.
Humor. Now, some humor is good, and everyone should have a sense of humor, things they'll laugh at. In fact, "Good" humor is one of the best defenses against negativity. "Bad" humor is when the jokes almost always involve poking fun at somebody, negative stereotypes, cynicism, etc. You don't want to be that kind of comedian. Most of those kind of jokes don't come off as funny so much as they do bitter and angry anyway, so who would it help? Sitcoms, webcomics, humor sites, and Comedy Central are really bad about "negative humor" so those should be taken in small doses.
The internet. Now, that probably sounds like techno-ludditry right there, but it's just common sense that the internet is a gateway to negativity if not used properly and with caution. But there's another side to it--the internet can be addictive (this is a proven fact--there's even clinics that treat internet addiction now) and remaining immobile is a quick way to mess up your body, thus mess up your mind, thus becoming negative.
In fact, a lot of the most negative people I know spend all their time on the internet. What's funny is that I often ask why they don't watch movies, read a good book, or whatever, and they always say they "don't have time," yet then I end up having chats with them that stretch from morning to afternoon (and I'm always shocked when I spend that long online), showing me that they do in fact have time, they're just making excuses. Don't make excuses.
4. Don't crusade
Now I'm not saying don't have a religion, but rather don't take on airs, don't become a moral authority out to vanquish all opposition. This is one big overreaction a lot of people make (including myself from time to time).
Like, right now, maybe you've done something that made you feel good. Let's say, for example, that you discovered a computer game you really like. Then you start looking for more and more, and you post about this computer game everywhere, trying to advocate it and make it more popular and get everyone to believe its the best thing ever. Once you've crossed that threshold, you no longer "just like it," you're now crusading for it. And that's bad, because invariably it gets backlash and returns all your negativity a hundredfold and you're right back where you started.
The ironic part of this is that you have to be sure not to crusade against negativity itself. I mean yeah, you want to be positive, but you can allow some negative things in your life. Trying to eliminate every "bad influence" you find in yourself, in your room, in your bookmarks, often just makes you miserable all over again. In fact I find that keeping one or two "negative" things is often positive in that it, as I said back in point #1, presents a counterpoint, a contradiction. You've got to allow the occasional contradiction.
In fact, in general its great to admit you're not perfect, just as long as doing so doesn't send you into Suicidal Emo Depression-land. The light can't exist without the dark, the industrial age can't exist without toxic waste, and all that. Admit this kind of stuff, make some effort to clean up the bits you don't like, but don't become too grouchy.
Well, that's all for today. I hope I've helped someone out. As for me, I'm going to go read some blogs and make fun of some kid's science project. See ya.
=====================================
First off, I know most of you are seeing the terms "Negativity" and "Inspiration" and thinking this is going to be some new-age spiritualist mumbo jumbo. It isn't. Both terms have nothing to do with any quasi-mystical beliefs and everything to do with moods and feelings, things we have to deal with every day. "Inspiration" is nothing more than that good feeling that makes you want to get out and do something, whether its write a book or play cards, and "Negativity" is basically anything that dampens your mood and worldview. Negativity is what makes you want to sit around doing nothing all day, the force that makes you think "You know, I just don't feel like it," makes you lethargic. It's a bad thing.
There's a lot of negativity going around, and there's all sorts of articles on the internet about where it comes from. So I'm gonna tell you what to do about it. I'm no doctor, no scientist, no therapist, but I've been in Negative-Land and worked my way back, so I hope I'm just as helpful.
1. Do things you don't like to do.
Now that may sound contradictory, but the fact is, most of the stuff you think you don't like is actually something you would like, except that you're feeling so negative right now that nothing looks good to you. A lot of people have convinced themselves that they have this "theme" or "mindset" that they need to religiously adhere to, and that's one thing that needs to go if you really want to feel good.
I mean, sometimes you just have to let go if you wanna feel good. Get rid of any restrictions you placed on yourself. Saw an advertisement for a new show you don't think you're gonna like? Watch it anyway. Friend recommending you a good horror story but you don't believe in ghosts? Who cares, read it anyway. Your entire family going out to dine at a Mexican restaurant and you're invited, but you don't like Mexican food? Go with them anyway. If you're a girl and you normally watch "chic flicks," then do a 180 and watch a guy flick every once in awhile (and likewise, if you're a guy watch a girls' movie every once in awhile). In fact, always be open to things that blatantly conflicts whatever self-image you've built up.
Now, I'm not saying you're going to suddenly start liking things that usually aren't your style--you probably won't--but the experience at least will be something different, and sometimes we need to just take down our mental and emotional shields and just live life. Often different experiences are good for us, because they shoot a hole in said shields and give us a different view of life that may not entirely be kosher with whatever world-image we've built up. They make us think and feel and in that small way, revive us.
2. Be decisive!
One of the favorite habits of the negativity-prone is pure indecisiveness. You know, "should I watch this movie or this movie?" Or "should I go to this store or that store?" If you're anything like I was, you debate yourself in circles until ultimately you end up doing nothing but sitting around the house, sulking.
Don't do that. Make up your freaking mind already. If it's really that hard, then rule of thumb is: Go with your first choice every time. And stick with it--do not allow yourself to change your mind. Don't go around in mental circles.
And don't just say "I'm going to do something," the minute you've decided, you've got to start freaking doing it--if you sit around and wait, you're just gonna start going in circles again, and that doesn't help anybody.
And another thing: Don't put your decisions off on other people. Okay, so every once in awhile you want someone else's opinion or a shoulder to lean on, but no one can make your mind up for you (also, becoming too dependent on other people can cause depression, so you want to maintain some measure of independence). What's funny is, most of the people I see who "want someone else's opinion" have actually already made up their mind, and they just want someone to argue with so they can convince themselves beyond a shadow of a doubt that they really are making the "right" decision. That's called insecurity, and the best way to handle it is to just get over it.
3. Cut down on sources of negativity
Now, there's a lot of things that are sources of negativity, but I find the worst and most common ones are:
Negative People. You know, the ranters, the whiners, the people who always go to their livejournals and talk about the latest ways life has made them its victim, the women who complain about being obese even though they're really not, the guys who think the government is out to get them, whatever. I deal with these people either by ignoring them, finding a way to tune them out (though this doesn't help that much), or sometimes by talking back and pointing out how phony and pretentious they are. Sometimes this makes them mad (then again, these aren't the kind of people I want as friends anyway) and other times it makes them wise up. On the internet, you really want to avoid blogs and certain forums as these are basically congregations of these kinds of people.
Humor. Now, some humor is good, and everyone should have a sense of humor, things they'll laugh at. In fact, "Good" humor is one of the best defenses against negativity. "Bad" humor is when the jokes almost always involve poking fun at somebody, negative stereotypes, cynicism, etc. You don't want to be that kind of comedian. Most of those kind of jokes don't come off as funny so much as they do bitter and angry anyway, so who would it help? Sitcoms, webcomics, humor sites, and Comedy Central are really bad about "negative humor" so those should be taken in small doses.
The internet. Now, that probably sounds like techno-ludditry right there, but it's just common sense that the internet is a gateway to negativity if not used properly and with caution. But there's another side to it--the internet can be addictive (this is a proven fact--there's even clinics that treat internet addiction now) and remaining immobile is a quick way to mess up your body, thus mess up your mind, thus becoming negative.
In fact, a lot of the most negative people I know spend all their time on the internet. What's funny is that I often ask why they don't watch movies, read a good book, or whatever, and they always say they "don't have time," yet then I end up having chats with them that stretch from morning to afternoon (and I'm always shocked when I spend that long online), showing me that they do in fact have time, they're just making excuses. Don't make excuses.
4. Don't crusade
Now I'm not saying don't have a religion, but rather don't take on airs, don't become a moral authority out to vanquish all opposition. This is one big overreaction a lot of people make (including myself from time to time).
Like, right now, maybe you've done something that made you feel good. Let's say, for example, that you discovered a computer game you really like. Then you start looking for more and more, and you post about this computer game everywhere, trying to advocate it and make it more popular and get everyone to believe its the best thing ever. Once you've crossed that threshold, you no longer "just like it," you're now crusading for it. And that's bad, because invariably it gets backlash and returns all your negativity a hundredfold and you're right back where you started.
The ironic part of this is that you have to be sure not to crusade against negativity itself. I mean yeah, you want to be positive, but you can allow some negative things in your life. Trying to eliminate every "bad influence" you find in yourself, in your room, in your bookmarks, often just makes you miserable all over again. In fact I find that keeping one or two "negative" things is often positive in that it, as I said back in point #1, presents a counterpoint, a contradiction. You've got to allow the occasional contradiction.
In fact, in general its great to admit you're not perfect, just as long as doing so doesn't send you into Suicidal Emo Depression-land. The light can't exist without the dark, the industrial age can't exist without toxic waste, and all that. Admit this kind of stuff, make some effort to clean up the bits you don't like, but don't become too grouchy.
Well, that's all for today. I hope I've helped someone out. As for me, I'm going to go read some blogs and make fun of some kid's science project. See ya.
