My thoughts on Castlevania: Harmony of Despair

[Weasel]

In my typical List of Grievances format that I write reviews in when I'm sure I'll hate something. Copy-pasted from IRC...

[12:40] <wildweasel> so I guess the new castlevania is out now.
[12:40] <wildweasel> time to play it and give it my List of Grievances.
[12:40] <Sotenga> Please do, weasel.  Fisk the hell out of it.
[12:40] <UndyingSong> "Polly Pocket Syndrome"
[12:40] <susanismyalias> fisk or fist
[12:40] <Sotenga> I still haven't.  I'm a bit afraid to.  lol
[12:40] <susanismyalias> u decide
[12:40] <Sotenga> "Fisking" is apparently a term for picking apart someone's argument.  Or something.  lol
[12:40] <susanismyalias> I like heather's terminology for the game
[12:41] <susanismyalias> fisking is popular in german porn
[12:41] <susanismyalias> or is that the other one
[12:41] <Sotenga> *Weegee*
[12:41] <susanismyalias> I forget
[12:41] <susanismyalias> :D
[12:41] <Sotenga> But yes, I could get behind
[12:41] <Sotenga> "Polly Pocket Syndrome" as a reason why it bites.  lol
[12:41] <wildweasel> Problem #1: It costs $15.
[12:42] <UndyingSong> don't get me wrong, I liked Polly Pocket-sized things, YAY TOYS. But it does NOT work for a game. lol
[12:42] <Sotenga> Yeah.  And from what I hear, the game is most certainly NOT worth $15.
08[12:42] <wildweasel> 2. For some reason it takes up 350 MB. Order of Ecclesia is only 64 MB and that's with the FMV intro.
[12:42] <susanismyalias> loooooool
[12:42] <UndyingSong> $15 is quite a bit for a game
[12:42] <Sotenga> Also, I was a REALLY big fan of Mighty Max in my kid days.
[12:42] <UndyingSong> especially that game.
[12:42] <Sotenga> Who was the boy-oriented version of Polly Pocket.
08[12:42] <wildweasel> 3. "this time in full 1080p!" When zoomed out all the way.
[12:43] <susanismyalias> hahahah
[12:43] <UndyingSong> Yeah, Mighty Max was cooler. XD
[12:43] <susanismyalias> dinosaurs
[12:43] <UndyingSong> there was a TLK version too. Tiny, tiny pride rock. Tee hee.
[12:43] <Sotenga> Hehe.
08[12:43] <wildweasel> 4. From the description on XBLA: "...but enough talk, have at it!"
[12:43] <Sotenga> ..........................
[12:43] <Sotenga> ....................................................................................
08[12:43] <wildweasel> That is horrible.
[12:43] <Sotenga> 4....................................................................................................................................
[12:43] <UndyingSong> ````````````````````````````````````````````
[12:44] <susanismyalias> AUGH MY SCROLL BAR YOU BASTARDS
[...]
[12:45] <Sotenga> I REALLY don't want to retroactively hate Symphony of the Night.  Please don't make me, konami.
08[12:45] <wildweasel> 5. There's a Music Settings with a track list in the Sound Options menu but I don't recognize the song titles
[...]
08[12:45] <wildweasel> Menu music seems new.
[...]
08[12:46] <wildweasel> 6. Change Characters: "Unavailable in trial version." Only available character is Alucard
[12:46] <Sotenga> That's irrelevant, just thought I'd mention that.
[12:46] <Sotenga> They even clipped THAT out of the demo?  Jesus.
08[12:46] <wildweasel> His default weapon is "Alucart Sword."
08[12:47] <wildweasel> hmm. must be the fake one.
[12:47] <UndyingSong> fffff
[12:47] <Sotenga> ... okay, well... I HAVE always liked that.
[12:49] <Sotenga> I'm wondering if Snarboo's
[12:49] <Sotenga> "Seeing an old friend with cancer" analogy is applicable here...
08[12:49] <wildweasel> 7. YOU CAN'T FUCKING PAUSE.
[12:50] <Sotenga> .................................................. oh, wait, I remember hearing about this.
[12:50] <Sotenga> You can, but the timer ticks down.
[12:50] <Sotenga> Which is a penis of anus.
[12:51] <@Garrus> that's awful
[12:52] <Sotenga> And that's terrible.
[12:52] <Sotenga> But if you pause, it'll interrupt your six-player jamfest!
08[12:53] <wildweasel> I am getting sick of this remix of the Aria of Sorrow main castle theme
[12:53] <Sotenga> Even if you're playing on your own!  THIS CANNOT BE :X
08[12:54] <wildweasel> 9. (the last wasn't numbered because I forgot): you walk really slow. Treadmill effect.
08[12:54] <wildweasel> 10. Your default weapon can't kill the fleamen in one hit, it takes two.
08[12:54] <wildweasel> I found just PUNCHING things to be more efficient than using the Alucart sword.
08[12:55] <wildweasel> 11. <Charlotte> Johnathan! You've gotta buy us this game!
[12:55] <Sotenga> .............................. :x
[12:55] <Sotenga> *bashing head*
[12:55] <Sotenga> *bashing head until bloody*
08[12:55] <wildweasel> Having the game characters talk to you was done far better in DeathSpank
[12:55] <Sotenga> 4Bloody bloody blood
08[12:55] <wildweasel> 12. I died typing out number 10.
[12:55] <Sotenga> Haha, yeah, Deathspank is awesome.
[12:55] <Sotenga> Deathspank is $15, right?
[12:56] <@Garrus> http://www.1up.com/news/activision-games-female-leads
08[12:56] <wildweasel> Might be just $10
[12:56] <Sotenga> ?!?
[12:56] <@Garrus> oh look, more reason to hate Activision
08[12:56] <wildweasel> I remember being impressed with the price
[12:56] <Sotenga> AIGH-YA GIHOSIDJFOISJDF
[12:56] <@Garrus> Deathspank was pretty cool
[12:56] <@Garrus> from what I played of the demo
[12:56] <Sotenga> $10 for an entirely original and really damn fun and funny game... versus $15 for recycled jacked trash.
[12:56] <Sotenga> My god.  This defies all logic.
[12:56] <@Garrus> I need a good job and a bigger hard drive so I can go nuts buying XBLA games
08[12:56] <wildweasel> Garrus, not surprising considering what Bobby Kotick just lost a case for in court the other day
[12:57] <Sotenga> Yeah, ditto.
[12:57] <@Garrus> I find it insulting that they sell Despair for the same price point as Shadow Complex
[12:57] <@Garrus> Shadow Complex was fully worth the $15
[12:57] <Sotenga> I got Shadow Complex on a deal, and I STILL would have paid the full $15 for it.

[Deleted]

Yeah, I'm not impressed with it either. Still, it would be interesting to try a full 6P match with some people.

[Weasel]

Aug 4, 2010 15:03:06 GMT -5 @jasonx said:

Yeah, I'm not impressed with it either. Still, it would be interesting to try a full 6P match with some people.

To which I say, good luck rounding up five other people who shelled out $15 for recycled junk and are also currently subscribed to Live Gold. =P

[thethird]

I'm really not sure who this game is supposed to appeal to. It's in level segments so it's, I dunno, more retro than the latest games, but it's still got the control conventions of the Symphony-clones, so not the folks who are looking for a retro throwback. And it's obviously not for fans of the Symphony-esque games on the DS since it's in six chapters/levels and it's multiplayer!

WHAT'S THE DEAL?

[Ike]

I downloaded the demo.

I deleted the demo.

Fuck you, Konami. Fuck you.

[tearsofash]

I hated the demo. Bought it anyways. Oops.

can't figure out where to go in the first stage. I seem to be stuck in this area with little red gillmen that I dumped water into. I see a switch, but I can't jump there. =\

[Deleted]

Looking at Metacritic, most of the reviewers are fucking idiots. Sadly, looks like players will be following suit.

[kimimi]

You'd think Konami would be able to release it for free seeing as it's just bits of games I've already bought stuck together :/

[acidonia]

Aug 4, 2010 15:22:45 GMT -5 Ike said:

I downloaded the demo.

I deleted the demo.

Fuck you, Konami. Fuck you.

What Konami has done with the Latest Yugioh Booster pack is worse than this game by far.

They hyped up loads of cards making the Online Images look like they was Rare cards (1 every pack) when the cards really are one in every 24 pack (a whole box) and jacked up the raritys of all the better cards from the orignal Japanese set.

Also alot think Konami are gonna make you pay MS points for extra booster packs in the XBLA yugioh game when they do this with no other console versions of the game with online play.

[megatronbison]

Put it on the pSN and I might be tempted. Otherwise no way - I'm not paying to rejoin Xbox Live ta.

[Lash]

This and Castlevania Puzzle: Encore of the Night just show me how derailed Konami is getting. With each game I've gotten more and more annoyed with the copied sprites, and this is nothing but.

I'm hoping Castlevania: Lords of Shadow will make up for it, even though it is three-dimensional.

[susanismyalias]

I think we're all hoping for LoS to be really really good.

[Warchief Onyx]

This game is a slap in the face to Castlevania fans. Quite possibly one of the laziest games ever made (I couldn't find even one single original asset in the actual game. Say what you will about the DS games' enemy sprite copypasta but at least they bothered to draw new player character sprites and backgrounds) and it plays like crap, too. Maybe it's more fun in multiplayer, but I'm not going to pay the outrageous price of $15 to find out.

[Discoalucard]

This might be fun in multiplayer, but single player is just really boring. There's no local co-op, is there? If there isn't, then that's it for me, because I'm not joining Live either.

I do wish they had done the XBLA SotN port like this - zoomed out and made widescreen - although all of the "Castlevania in 1080p!" in the advertising copy is hilariously insincere.

[Deleted]

Wow, is this the straw that finally broke the camel's back? You bought Judgment, after all.